By Iona Housby
One of the things I most love about flower essence therapy, it the way in which is both supports and encourages ‘open hearted living’. In this personal sharing, I’ll explain how this way of life increased my wellbeing on all levels.
Living with an open heart means being fully present and vulnerable, embracing love, compassion, and empathy in all aspects of life. It involves being receptive to experiences, both positive and challenging, without judgment or resistance. It’s about honouring your own needs and boundaries while connecting deeply with others.
I took my Buddhist vows 13 years ago in the chapel at Eden Court, Inverness while heavily pregnant, expecting my second (of three) sons. It was also the year I turned 30 and was faced with some challenging spiritual questions. In the main, I was living a ‘comfortable’ life as a mother, professional singer and harpist, and teacher of flower essence therapy. However, I was struggling with the comfort.
As I began to read more dharma teachings, the mirror was showing me a different future (I later wrote a song about this which you can listen to here). While I felt I was living my life in dedication to my family, in service as a daughter, wife and mother ‘hiding my light under a bushel’, I was not listening to my inner voice. In other words, I was not living a fully authentic life. I was people pleasing, rather than living in true alignment.
I did some cognitive behavioural work and learned about the commonality of this co-dependant present as the child of an addict. My mother had left my father when I was eight, but surviving those early years had meant putting my own needs aside. My parents had needed me in different ways, and I was very good at parenting my brother (who was four years younger) from a young age, especially when things ‘kicked off’.
So, in many ways, caring was in my blood, it was my preset. It was where I felt at home, comfortable, needed and loved. But … it was not where I could live out my dreams and be fully myself. It was just one mode. In musical terms, we refer to the modes (the first, ancient scales) like musical colours that can be dark or bright, moody or uplifting. There are seven diatonic modes, each with its own unique sound and feel. In this way, I was living life within a few small and familiar modes.
Shortly after birthing my first son, I noticed a new bell ringing in my heart. It was as if the initiation of giving birth had woken something inside me. As I noticed this, I began reading books on Buddhism, looking for some answers to these new questions and inner experiences. There was an emptiness that I felt deep within. It had turned into a calling. It felt as if I was running out of time, and would soon need to make a stand and take action, but I had no clue how. All I knew, was that the Tibetan mantras and verses were bringing me hope and insight, so I kept studying.
During my second pregnancy, the pull to study was stronger and I attended a public talk by Choje Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, co-founder of the first Tibetan Buddhist Monastery in Europe – Kagyu Samye Ling. After the talk, I found myself walking onto the stage, approaching Lama Yeshe, yet I didn’t know why and had no question. He placed his hand on my third eye and invited me to take refuge with him. I instantly agreed and heavy, hot tears began streaming down my face. He just smiled. I felt huge relief.
The following day, I found myself bowing my head towards Choje Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche in The Chapel at Eden Court, Inverness, as he chanted a prayer for my refuge. My two year old son held my hand beside me, as I spoke my Tibetan vows in the chapel, while heavily pregnant. It was a powerful experience. Lama Yeshe said ‘Skillful Mother, Your Buddhist name is “stream of gems,” it symbolizes the abundant flow of prosperity.” Something deep inside me heard those words and felt instant relief, ‘Now I know I can trust and let go’.
The following year, my marriage fell apart. I had stopped living to serve and started living to be. I had stopped waking to do, and started each day with the intention to live more fully. I had stopped operating on auto-pilot and began embracing new experiences and taking new offers as a chance to grow and learn. I was growing into myself and I was growing wings. I lost friends who noticed I was no longer the ‘easy friend’ who used to turn up to listen and support. Two years after my marriage ended, my mother suffered a stroke followed by a heart attack and it was time to step up and run the family business.
Luckily, the new challenges didn’t faze me and I noticed things falling into place. My daily practice began hours before the children woke and I found a newfound sense of purposeful living. A few years later, I fell in love with a kind and loving man, who is now my husband, a wonderful step dad to my eldest sons, and the father of my third son. So what was so different? How has open-hearted living been so transformative in my life? Let me describe how the ways in which these subtle inner shifts have changed my life. What it means to live with an open heart:
1. Embracing Vulnerability and Honesty:
- An open heart acknowledges and embraces vulnerability, allowing oneself to be seen and known authentically.
- It involves speaking your truth with kindness and honesty, even when it’s difficult.
2. Cultivating Compassion and Empathy:
- An open heart is characterized by a deep sense of compassion for oneself and others.
- It involves actively listening to others, understanding their perspectives, and offering support without judgment.
3. Letting Go of Fear and Judgment:
- An open heart means releasing fear, anxiety, and negative emotions, allowing space for genuine connection.
- It involves accepting differences and embracing the beauty of diversity, rather than judging or criticizing others.
4. Protecting and Caring for Your Heart:
- While being open to love and connection, it’s important to protect your heart by setting boundaries and practicing self-care.
- This involves recognizing your needs, boundaries, and limitations in relationships.
5. Finding Strength in Connection:
- Living with an open heart fosters authentic and meaningful connections with others.
- It encourages the building of strong relationships based on trust, respect, and empathy.
6. Embracing the Journey of Life:
- An open heart is a courageous heart, ready to embrace the challenges and joys of life with resilience and grace.
- It’s about being present in the moment, learning from experiences, and growing with vulnerability.
In essence, living with an open heart is a journey of self-discovery, compassion, and connection. It’s a path that requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace the fullness of human experience. I find flower, gem and elemental essences very helpful upon this kind of journey, and my new essence ‘Chakra kit’ was born out of this life-changing experience. As a way of offering words of wisdom that sum up this kind of open hearted living, I turn to Marianne Williamson (‘A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”), who wrote;
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do … It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”